When It Starts To Fall Apart, Man It Really Falls Apart.

I am painfully pitifully out of shape, I am almost a gelatinous mass, I could be one of the people living in space in WALL-E. This is not an opinion or something up for debate, I am very much over weight and and it's my own damn fault. This sounds bad and it is but it has to be said in these terms otherwise I will just allow myself to become even worse. Now there is some good news, tonight I took a small step to becoming a not disgusting human being. I found a buddy travelled around Yorkton and found myself a full set of hockey gear. Buying the gear isn't enough though so I also went and played rec hockey tonight and you know what? I was awful, I forgot that most people can skate in more than direction and know how to stop, however for this being the first time I had been on skates in over 5 years and only the third time I had used a hockey stick while on skates it wasn't too bad and had I have been an in shape person it could have even been upgraded to O.K. This was not the case though and I was damn near dying before the opening face off, I soldiered on though and made it to the final whistle with a lot of time spent on the bench compared to my team mates but there was a noticeable improvement in my abilities and I even got my stick on the puck a few times. I'm currently a little sore and very tired and it feels great, I had actually forgotten how  good it feels be physically tired at the end of the day. I can't have been the worst person to lace up the skates because I got an invite out to play more rec hockey and I'm most likely going to take those offers up because there's no way more ice time will do me any harm.

This hasn't been a new revelation for me I have known for some time what I am and what I need to do  but I finally have a catalyst to make this happen. You see after going almost 4 years without going on a single date there is a member of the opposite sex who is interested in me. There interested in what I am now flaws and all but this person is drop dead gorgeous and frankly it wouldn't be fair to stick them with the dead weight I currently am. This won't be an overnight thing and I have enough positive qualities to carry me through until I am something I wouldn't mind seeing in the mirror. Right now this looks like something pretty hard to screw up, but I do have knack for messing up sure things and even if I do I'll be a better off than I am now. And yes, I do realize I somehow managed to post two blogs in one week.

Oh My Heart Is Sinking, Same Old Useless Worn Out Thinking

My veins suck. That is probably the strangest way to start a post but it all makes sense. The last time I donated blood was may of 2009. I tried a few other times but there were always scheduling issues or I would plain old forget. Today though I remembered my appointment and I was there on time. My iron level was O.K. and my temperature and blood pressure were just fine. Unfortunately I forgot to drink water. For most people this would be a minor issue and the only drawback would be that it would take a few extra minutes. However as most people know be it a good thing or a bad thing I am not most people. Because I didn't drink any water my horrible deep veins were just shy this side of impossible for the poor nurses to find and when they finally found one on my right side it decided to spit a little bit of blood out. Just enough to fill the line but not enough to touch the bag and it also hurt more than usual so I now have a lovely little bruise on my right arm. At this point I had two options. Option A give up and go away or B. accomplish what I set out to do and fill a bag full of my precious red fluids. I chose B and I moved my butt over to a new chair and and got my left arm all taped up and pumped up so that it turned purple and fell asleep. The nurse stuck the needle in this time and out came... Nothing. For my efforts I got two little holes in my arm two juice boxes and a few timbits. However I learned a valuable lesson. Drink a gratuitous amount of water and maybe I will be able to get rid of my blood.

So with that out of the way I will move on to something I debated talking about last week but decided not to because I didn't feel overly open and sharing. Today I have changed my mind mainly because the idea has managed to last a week and remain relevant. I continually compare myself to other people. I do this so that I can gauge how  successful or normal I am in different areas. For relationships I compare myself to two people. One is my best female friend and the other is my one friend who still lives in P.A. Traditionally I have been on the same level as one or both of them or slightly ahead. However that is no longer the case and I am not sure how I feel about this. I am happy for both of them but I do not like being last relationship wise and to make things even more fun I can't even switch who my barometer is since all of my close friends are all in more or less successful relationships. In fact the only single people I know are people I only talk to once every few months tops. It's especially frustrating since at the moment I don't even have any options or even pipe dreams. Basically all I can do is wait for one of my friends to become single but I don't want that since they are my friends and wanting them to be single would make me a unjustifiable horrible person. In the meantime I will just have to make some new friends and hope the will be people I can realistically compare myself to.

I will make a post about Lent on Wednesday. I am saying this now so that I am forced to do it and if I don't I hope somebody guilts me into doing it